Intimacy and Sex in Sobriety series continued this week with a focus on Body Image and Desire. Below is Jen's share that opened the meeting:
From my experience, body image and desire—especially libido—are deeply connected, so it made sense to talk about them together.
I didn’t need alcohol to get physical when I was younger. I learned really early that my body was something to give, not something that belonged to me. My self-worth got wrapped up in how my body looked and how others saw me. I was desperate for validation.
When I started drinking, it was like a switch flipped, my insecurities got quieter, and I could disconnect from how I really felt. I went through the motions, even when I didn’t want to. I also treated my body badly. The last year of my drinking, I was basically living on vodka and protein shakes, skinny and miserable, and I thought that was normal.
In sobriety, all the shame and guilt came rushing back. I realized I hadn’t truly lived in my body for years. I’d numbed it, punished it, or used it as currency. In early sobriety, I gained weight because I was using food and sugar to replace alcohol. I’d just swapped one way of coping for another, and it really messed with my body image.
That was also the year I turned 40, and my libido took a big hit. I was navigating life without alcohol, an aging body, changing hormones, and decades of unprocessed shame. Sobriety stripped away the numbing, and for the first time, I had to figure out what it actually meant to feel good in my own skin. To be present. To be vulnerable. What did I want? What felt good? What felt safe? I had to befriend my body and be honest with my partner.
There are times my desire disappears completely. That is incredibly hard to navigate with my partner — we’ve been together for over two decades, and he doesn’t understand why sex sometimes feels like giving myself away again when I don’t really want to. I’ve learned desire and intimacy aren’t just about sex. It’s about being present in life, connecting deeply. Sobriety gave me the chance to build a relationship with my body based not on how it looks, but on how it feels and what it does for me every day.
One of the hardest parts of recovery has been relearning how to listen to my body, to honor when it says yes and when it says no — and to trust that both are worthy. And then, to explain that to my partner.
--Jen C.
✨Member Celebrations!✨
🎉 Shout out to Robyn M. on her soberversary! Congratulations Robyn on your 1 year!
✨Community Updates✨
🩵 We are so excited to welcome Laura Cathcart Robbins to a very special meeting of Book Club on June 9, 2025 at 7:30pm ET. Her Book Stash: My Life in Hiding is a powerful memoir about "a journey to sobriety and self-love amidst privilege and racism." Now open to the public! If you are are woman or mother and not currently a member RSVP here!
🩵 Announcing author Q&A with Jessica Guerrieri on June 23, 2025 at 7:00pm ET. Drawing on her own experience in sobriety and recovery, her book Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea is a beautiful novel that follows a mom who's been everything to everyone and falls into addiction.
🩵 Intimacy & Sex in Sobriety series special topic meetings. Last one coming up! Not to be missed! RSVP in the network, and drop any thoughts or questions you're interested in discussing in the meeting either in the post in the feed, or DM Jen C directly.
Wednesday June 4, 2025 at 8pm ET
✨Weekly Meeting Schedule✨
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Warmly,
SMC Team
